Day 3

Today it is Sunday, I'm hearing Rex shout,
Last night, again restless, she let herself out.
"Jenny, you're selfish, we all need some rest,
You're trying my patience and you think I jest".

"Please stop this prowling for coffee", Rex asked,
"If you can't last all night, I'll buy you a flask".
"But I like to get up in the night", Jen did bleat.
Her intake of coffee is why she can't sleep!

Back upstairs she did trundle, she's coughing again,
"Good Morning Alison, have you got a pen?"
A journal she's writing about things here she'll do,
I said to Rex, "Bet it's all about you".

Rex then gets up, it's 7 o'clock,
He went out of the bedroom and the porch door did lock.
He looked on the balcony - no Jen did he see,
The bathroom door it was shut, he thought she'd gone for a pee.

Then off to our bathroom, it's time for my shower,
I then do my make up, I'm gone half and hour.
I finally emerge with towel on my head,
I hear lots of banging right next to my bed.
I go to the window and open the blind,
I see Jen, she is shouting - is she out of her mind!

"Let me in", she is yelling, "I'm needing the loo",
"Rex locked me out, I didn't know what to do".
Evidently she'd been banging and shouting a while,
When I related it to Rex, all he did was smile.
"I didn't know she was out there", he said,
"I thought she had probably gone back to bed".

After breakfast Rex says, "It's a beautiful day,
Let's go to the Capitol" - she coughed all the way.
It's restricted parking, so while Rex parked the car,
He dropped me and Jen by the big Texas Star.
She'd coughing and gasping, she can't get her breath,
"Hurry up Rex", she seems close to death!

On the walk up to the Capitol she went like a rocket,
"Oh Look", she says, "There's Davy Crocket".
We entered the building, "Oh it's so clean",
When Rex said, "no smoking", she said, "that's so mean".

The Entrance Hall entered, she looked round in awe,
Then she saw George Bush's portrait hung on the wall.
To the Senate Room next we all had to go,
Where there's a gigantic painting of 'The Alamo'.
"Who fought in this Battle", she then said to Rex,
"Oh, come on Jen, you've heard of Tex Mex"!

Our next priority is to find the Restroom,
If Jen doesn't pee soon our progress is doomed.
It seems that the signs to the loos have been hid,
Honest to God, it's like having a kid.

At last she's relieved and now a short hop,
Just over the way to the Souvenier Shop.
She's now filled with joy and yes it gets worse,
She's bought solar powered key rings and a cheap tacky purse.
She spent mega dollars, the Staff were polite,
I bet they were - they could go home for the night.

We'd been ther for 2 hours and Jen's will is weak,
"I need to get out now, back onto the street".
"You can't smoke out there, no smoking allowed",
"Oh, no-one will notice if I'm in with the crowd".
But no-one was out there, for people she searched,
She didn't know Sundays they all go to Church.

On the route home, Whole Foods is near,
"Do you want to go there, we could do with some beer?"
Now Whole Foods I love, it's my favorite store,
But the street where we park wasn't two way no more.

Rex said, "I'll go round the block once again",
Now, I'm in the back seat right behind Jen.
"There's a meter" I said, "Just over there".
"Over where", shouted Rex and he started to swear.
"That's it we're off, I'm not going to try",
He just revved the engine and drove straight on by.

"I was shocked", Jen said later, "I thought Rex was calm",
"He is", I said mostly, that's just part of his charm!
She's now off for her nap, that's three hours we've got,
She's upstairs sleeping and snoring a lot.

I'm cooking roast turkey with trimmings tonight,
I'm stuck in the middle - I hope they don't fight.
We've finished main course, Jen's off for a smoke,
Rex looks really angry and says, "It's no joke".
"Good manners dictate that you stay 'till the end,
And don't go off smoking, that's rude and offends".

Rex says that she's turned into the House Guest from Hell,
He can't wait 'till it's over - all that cigarette smell.
I'm stuck in the middle - what can I say,
At least we've got through another Jen Day.

Day 2

Day 2

We're now on day 2, she's been bouncing all night,
Up at 2 and then 3, it's not even light.
At 6am Saturday, Rex does arise,
He is not happy, he's sleep deprived.

He goes down the stairs, there's Jenny in white,
"What's going on, who won the fight?".
"What fight", says Jen, whilst boiling the kettle,
"The door banging one, that sounds like a battle".

Jen thought he was joking and went on her way,
To the balcony for a fag to start the new day.
Today is her Birthday, she turns 62,
I go and ask her what she want's to do.

She doesn't know, she will leave it to me,
But she need some more fags, she's smoked 'Duty Frees'.
Rex suggests Costco 'cause that's the best place,
"Go and tell Jenny to put on her face".

An hour now has passed, Rex says that's plenty,
He knocks on her door and says, "We're going in 20",
"I'm not ready yet, my hair is not straight",
"And a fag and a coffee I've yet got to make".

Rex is not happy, he's getting quite cross,
"Let's go without her, I'll show her who's boss".
"Please just calm down, we're not in a race",
I'm stuck in the middle - I know my place!!

At last we're at Costco - it's food sampling day,
Jenny's quite happily chomping away.
She's tasting some drink - an high energy one,
"I like this", she says, "Will you buy me some".

Rex reluctantly puts them in the cart that's now full,
Not fully realizing that they're just like Red Bull!
The shoppings all done except for the smokes,
She's still coughing and spluttering, I think Rex hopes she chokes.

Back home, she's straight out to sit on the deck,
"I need an umbrella - the sun's on my neck".
Rex puts the fan on, the one with the spray,
"My hair will go frizzy, please take it away".

With fag in one hand and cup in the other,
She then says to Rex, "Can I phone my ex-lover".
"Where is he now", says Rex, "In the UK?"
"No, Kazackstan, but he's coming to stay".
"You're having a laugh, I know very well,
It will cost me a fotune if you're phoning a 'Cell'.

Lunch is now over, it's time for her nap.
"If Roger calls, just give me a tap".
Meanwhile Rex is outside, I know he's quite mad,
Taking pictures of ashtrays to show to his Dad.
"Where's my dear sister - go wake her up",
"Get her out here to clear up her cups".

Three hours later Jen is awake,
Go and get ready, we're off for a steak.
It's her Birthday you see, so we have to be nice,
Texas Land & Cattle is our diner of choice.

Jenny and I we got all dolled up,
Then Rex, in his jeans, said, "We're taking the Truck.
Now Jen's vertically challenged, as I mentioned before,
So Rex pulled her in, whilst I held the door.

We're ready to go, Rex turns the key,
We're all sat up front like 3 Wise Monkeys.
At the restaurant carpark, we've a problem no doubt,
Jen's legs are so short, she now can't get out.
So Rex drives around and parks by a high mound,
And tells her to jump and aim for the ground.

In the Restaurant we arrive, we now are all sat,
Margharittas in order - Jen can't have that.
The steaks are all good - they always are,
I'm looking yearningly towards the bar.
What I wouldn't do for a bottle of wine,
2 days are over, that only leaves 9.

Day 1

On September 4th 2008,
For Jenny's first visit, Rex couldn't wait.
We drove to the Airport, we were a bit early,
So at Denny's we stopped and had fries that were curly.
At the Airport, the aircraft was now at the Gate,
So we knew that we wouldn't have too long to wait.

Down the stairs she did glide, waving her hand,
As her bag travelled round on the carousell band.
"Could you get my luggage", to Rex was the order,
"It's heavy, it's silver and it got a black border".

Back home we arrived, Rex got her bag,
She asked for an ashtray, she wanted a fag.
"You can't smoke indoors", Rex was quite blunt,
"Oh, that's quite alright, I'll sit out the front".

I showed her the room and things she could use,
Not realising at that time, some things she'd abuse!
She unpacked her bag whilst I got the dinner,
The last time I saw her - I'm sure she was thinner.
She came back downstairs with gifts from her bag,
Then back to the balcony for another damn fag.

Whe dinner was finished, she wanted a drink,
She's Teetotal, so wines off the menu I think.
"I want a coffee", she said, "but not that you grind",
I found her some "Instant" Tim left behind.

Then off to the balcony and into the night,
With her cup and her ashtray and her Marlborough Light.
"I'm off for a shower, I'm tired now", she said,
It was 10pm, so we all went to bed.

Two hours later, Rex was awoken,
By a noise that sounded like things being broken.
"It's Jenny" he said, as he looked at the clock,
She wasn't aware that he ownes a Glock!!

Back to her room she retired with her coffee black,
We went back to sleep and thought that was that.
But two hours later, she was rattling about,
She wanted a fag and tried to get out.
But the lock on the door was too high for poor Jen,
You see the poor woman is just 4 foot 10.

Next morning quite early, Rex the stairs he went down,
To be confronted by Jen in a white dressing gown.
"Can you unlock the door Rex", she said with a smile,
"I want to go out on the porch for a while".
She coughed and she coughed, it really was rasping,
She wanted out - for a fag she was gasping.

She doesn't eat breakfast, she doesn't drink tea,
She just smokes and coughs and constantly pees.

I sit down for a chat, she talks of her lodger,
And then she says, "Can I please phone Roger".
"Of course you can Jen," as I hand her the phone,
When Rex sees the bill, I know he will moan!

Roger's her boyfriend back in the UK,
He was meant to come with her, but decided to stay.
After talking for ages, "Roger wishes you well",
It was then I found out she was phoning a 'Cell'.

One hour later she's out on the Deck,
"Who's making me coffee" - she's got a neck!
"If you want a drink Jen, you make it yourself",
Was Rex's reply, "the cups on the shelf".
"I must have a cup and a saucer - not mug",
By this time poor Rex she is starting to bug.

Then Rex says to Jen - "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know", says Jen - "The Alamo!"
"You have to rise early if you want to go there",
"All the time you take drying and straightening your hair".

At length the decision Rex has to make,
"Let's go for lunch down by the Lake",
We went to the Oasis, the view there is great,
But as y'all know, the food there I hate!
They both had Mexican, I had a wrap,
They both liked theirs but mine it was crap.
The meal it is over, but before we can leave,
Jenny goes out for a fag and a pee.

Back home she's straight onto the deck for a smoke,
She's hyped up on coffee and loads of free coke.
By now it's 2.30 and time for her nap,
A few hours of peace - thank God for that!

The rest of the day is more of the same,
By the end of the week - will I still be sane!!!

Clowns to the Left of Me

"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I amStuck in the middle with you" - GERRY RAFFERTY