It's finally here, Jenny's last day,
Rex is up shouting, Hip Hip Hooray.
"Let's get her packed and out of the door",
I haven't told him, her flight's not 'til four.
"How long before take off does she have to book in?"
"Only 2 hours", I said, trying hard not to grin.
"We'll get her there early, we'll be leaving soon",
"Oh, don't be silly, we can't leave here 'til noon".
Now Jenny's all packed, her bags are all ready,
"Could you take them Rex - be careful, they're heavy",
Rex struggles downstairs - "Are you sure you can manage",
"I don't want you doing some permanent damage".
With nothing to do and five hours to waste,
Jen has retired to her usual place.
Out on the deck with her coffee and phone,
"I need to call Roger before I get home".
She's out in the sun, drinking coffee and smoking,
Still coughing and spluttering, it sounds like she's choking.
Around 10 o' clock she goes up the stairs,
"I'm off to the bathroom to straighten my hair".
Rex goes outside and he's counting her fags,
"She's smoked 20 already, I'm gonna tell Dad".
"I'll be glad when she's gone and for what it's worth,
I don't think she's my sister, there was a mix up at birth".
One hour later our Jen reappeared,
Her straight hair was tucked behind her ears.
"I'm ready", she said, "Bet you can't wait to be rid",
Rex then just shrugged - his feelings weren't hid!
Whilst she was upstairs, I'd prepared lunch for us all,
It's now 11.30 and we're passing The Mall.
On the way to the Airport, Rex travels so fast,
His sister beside him going home at long last.
We arrived at the Terminal, Rex jumped from the car,
Got her bags from the trunk and said, "There you are".
Jen looked at Rex strangely, I knew what was wrong,
"I can't carry those Rex, I'm not very strong".
"You don't need to be strong Jen, your case has got wheels",
He placed the small one on top, then he turned on his heels.
For a wonderful holiday she then thanked me once more,
Check-Ins 10 yards Jen, when you get through that door.
I waved her goodbye as Rex sped away,
"She'll never come back - no bloody way".
Epilogue
Just four days before our Jenny's flight,
Houston was hit by hurricane Ike.
George Bush Airport was to be her first stop,
Where she planned to buy fags at the Duty free Shop.
But when she got to the Airport, Duty Free it was closed,
Now this for poor Jenny, a problem did pose.
She waved down a worker on a cart carrying bags,
"I need Duty Free, I must get my fags".
"I know where there's another", the worker then cried,
"Hop on my cart, I'll take you for a ride".
He stopped at the shop and said he would wait,
But as she got to the checkout she was told, "You're too late".
"There's not enough time to get the goods to your flight",
But Jenny kicked up until they said, "Oh alright".
As Jenny climbed back on the cart that did wait,
Some poor assistant had to run to the Gate.
She's now in the air and some fruit juice was brought her,
"I want coffee" she said, but was told, "There's no water".
"No water for washing or drinks on this flight,
Everything was knocked out by hurricane Ike".
She finally arrived at London Heathrow,
Where Roger was waiting to welcome her home.
Now I'm at the end of this short epilogue,
Visitor's beware - you could be next on my blog!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Day 9
Today it is Jenny's last full day,
Rex cannot wait 'til she goes away.
She is starting to pack for tomorrows long flight,
Her case full of ribbons and Marlborough Lights.
"I can't get it all in and I'm over the weight,
I need a new case - have I left it too late?"
"I just want a small one so I don't squash my fags",
We'll go up to Target, "I'm sure they sell bags".
Now Rex has decided to take us both out,
To Windy Point - "Are you ready", he shouts.
Down to the lake we'll go take a look,
We'll take a walk whilst she reads her book.
Forty minutes later we arrive at the Lake,
Out of the car Jenny jumps - "Oh this is great".
I say to Rex, "It's too windy today,
We can't sit her here, she'll get blown away".
We walk round the lake admiring the view,
"Stand over there Rex, I want a picture of you".
Her camera is out and she's snapping like mad,
"I've got to take pictures to show to our Dad".
We've been there half an hour - she now needs a fag,
She's frantically searching for them in her bag.
She's trying to light up - she's behind a tree,
But the wind is too strong, so she goes for a pee.
So her bladder now empty, she's not had a fag,
We head off to 'Target' in search of a bag.
In Target, Rex says, "I'm gonna look round",
"I'll meet you later when a bag you have found".
"Look at this bag Alison, what do you think,
It's small but it's roomy and a nice shade of pink".
"It's my favorite color, I've even got a pink watch",
She says, "Now I'm looking for labels to match".
With her pink bag and labels, she's just like a kid,
We pass the toy section and she spys the game 'Crib'
"I'm going to get that for Rex", I then heard her say,
"When he was a young man, he liked Crib to play.
Six hours later, it's almost tea time,
We're all getting ready for 'The County Line'.
This restaurant is famous for bar-b-que,
And when we arrive there is a long queue.
Five minutes later we're at the front of the line,
Rex says, "A table with view would be fine".
The people behind us are then booked ahead,
They got the view - "How rude" then Jen said.
We're placed at a table that's noisy and dark,
I knew from that moment it was a bad start.
The waitress arrived - "Do you want some bread?"
"I'd rather have a table with view", Rex then said.
"The're no tables left, you'll have to stay here",
The waitress then said, "Do you want a beer".
I could tell from the mood that Rex was now pissed,
"If you want to leave, we'll follow", Jen hissed.
We decided to stay, we thought we would risk it,
As Jen placed her order, she went for the brisket.
Rex ordered sausage and the side of the day,
Green Beans - "They're all gone" the waitress did say.
Just by looking at Rex, I can see he's not happy,
I ordered Ribs, I hope it comes snappy.
I know Rex is fuming, his face has gone red,
And we are still waiting for that bloody bread!
As I'm sitting there wondering if this meal we'll survive,
Our food - at long last - did finally arrive.
Rex has six sausages and the size of my ribs!!!
We've got enough food for Steve, Sarah and kids.
Now I know this is food that they eat in the South,
As these ribs I am trying to get in my mouth.
"We'll share out the food", Rex then he said,
Then lo and behold, here comes the bread.
Eating these ribs was sheer delight,
With Jenny saying, "It's not ladylike".
"Stop whinging Jen, get and eat it", said he,
He secretly had his camera ready.
The waitress passed by - Rex asked for more beer,
Alas, she was never to return here I fear.
Our meal we had finished, we ate all we could take,
Whilst fat people around us scoffed chocolate fudge cake.
Rex calls the waitress and asks for the Bill,
"Who's gonna pay?" - Rex says he will.
Now let's sum it up - we all liked the food,
But the service was poor and the waitress was rude.
We asked for a view but were sat in the dark,
I know Rex and Jenny this really did nark.
Rex wanted beans but got okra instead,
And I won't even mention the tale of the bread.
When Rex asked for beer - he never got that,
He left her no tip and we'll never come back.
He left cash on the table right next to the ribs,
As Jenny was saying, "Let's go home and play Crib".
Back home, a quick game of this we did play,
Tomorrow our Jen will by flying away.
Rex cannot wait 'til she goes away.
She is starting to pack for tomorrows long flight,
Her case full of ribbons and Marlborough Lights.
"I can't get it all in and I'm over the weight,
I need a new case - have I left it too late?"
"I just want a small one so I don't squash my fags",
We'll go up to Target, "I'm sure they sell bags".
Now Rex has decided to take us both out,
To Windy Point - "Are you ready", he shouts.
Down to the lake we'll go take a look,
We'll take a walk whilst she reads her book.
Forty minutes later we arrive at the Lake,
Out of the car Jenny jumps - "Oh this is great".
I say to Rex, "It's too windy today,
We can't sit her here, she'll get blown away".
We walk round the lake admiring the view,
"Stand over there Rex, I want a picture of you".
Her camera is out and she's snapping like mad,
"I've got to take pictures to show to our Dad".
We've been there half an hour - she now needs a fag,
She's frantically searching for them in her bag.
She's trying to light up - she's behind a tree,
But the wind is too strong, so she goes for a pee.
So her bladder now empty, she's not had a fag,
We head off to 'Target' in search of a bag.
In Target, Rex says, "I'm gonna look round",
"I'll meet you later when a bag you have found".
"Look at this bag Alison, what do you think,
It's small but it's roomy and a nice shade of pink".
"It's my favorite color, I've even got a pink watch",
She says, "Now I'm looking for labels to match".
With her pink bag and labels, she's just like a kid,
We pass the toy section and she spys the game 'Crib'
"I'm going to get that for Rex", I then heard her say,
"When he was a young man, he liked Crib to play.
Six hours later, it's almost tea time,
We're all getting ready for 'The County Line'.
This restaurant is famous for bar-b-que,
And when we arrive there is a long queue.
Five minutes later we're at the front of the line,
Rex says, "A table with view would be fine".
The people behind us are then booked ahead,
They got the view - "How rude" then Jen said.
We're placed at a table that's noisy and dark,
I knew from that moment it was a bad start.
The waitress arrived - "Do you want some bread?"
"I'd rather have a table with view", Rex then said.
"The're no tables left, you'll have to stay here",
The waitress then said, "Do you want a beer".
I could tell from the mood that Rex was now pissed,
"If you want to leave, we'll follow", Jen hissed.
We decided to stay, we thought we would risk it,
As Jen placed her order, she went for the brisket.
Rex ordered sausage and the side of the day,
Green Beans - "They're all gone" the waitress did say.
Just by looking at Rex, I can see he's not happy,
I ordered Ribs, I hope it comes snappy.
I know Rex is fuming, his face has gone red,
And we are still waiting for that bloody bread!
As I'm sitting there wondering if this meal we'll survive,
Our food - at long last - did finally arrive.
Rex has six sausages and the size of my ribs!!!
We've got enough food for Steve, Sarah and kids.
Now I know this is food that they eat in the South,
As these ribs I am trying to get in my mouth.
"We'll share out the food", Rex then he said,
Then lo and behold, here comes the bread.
Eating these ribs was sheer delight,
With Jenny saying, "It's not ladylike".
"Stop whinging Jen, get and eat it", said he,
He secretly had his camera ready.
The waitress passed by - Rex asked for more beer,
Alas, she was never to return here I fear.
Our meal we had finished, we ate all we could take,
Whilst fat people around us scoffed chocolate fudge cake.
Rex calls the waitress and asks for the Bill,
"Who's gonna pay?" - Rex says he will.
Now let's sum it up - we all liked the food,
But the service was poor and the waitress was rude.
We asked for a view but were sat in the dark,
I know Rex and Jenny this really did nark.
Rex wanted beans but got okra instead,
And I won't even mention the tale of the bread.
When Rex asked for beer - he never got that,
He left her no tip and we'll never come back.
He left cash on the table right next to the ribs,
As Jenny was saying, "Let's go home and play Crib".
Back home, a quick game of this we did play,
Tomorrow our Jen will by flying away.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Day 8
Well here we are, now at day eight,
Only two more to go, Rex he can't wait.
She's still up and down all through the night,
And Rex and our Jen still they do fight.
Rex want's to stay home - today it is football,
So I say to him, "I'll take Jen to the Mall".
She's been wanting to go to 'Michaels' all week,
To the Galleria we'll go, when I've had something to eat.
Out in the garden for Jen I do look,
And there she is with her fag and a book.
"Go and get ready", to Jen I do say,
"We're going shopping, out of his way".
As we walk into 'Michaels', she looks round in awe,
"Oh" she then says, "This is my kind of store".
Was it the excitement or coffee consumed,
But she then said to me, "Where is the Restroom".
Ten minutes later she returned with a smile,
As she walked very slowly down the first aisle.
Decorations and cards Jen likes to make,
And decorataive flowere to put onto cakes.
She's picking up paints for her iced flowers,
"Oh", she is saying, "I could stay here for hours".
"I can't believe everything here is so cheap",
I'm following behind her like a lost sheep.
One hour later we've done half the store,
And she's off and she's running towards the loo door.
She's now looking at pictures and pieces of art,
"Jenny", I said, "I'm gonna get you a cart".
Her cart she is loading - a smile on her face,
"I can't get too much or I'll need a new case".
We now reach a section saying 'All Items One Dollar",
"Quick, over here Alison", she's starting to holler.
There are Calenders, Journals, Souvenirs of the States,
"Presents", she saying, "For all my workmates".
Journals she bought and small boxes with lids,
"That's my Christmas sorted for under ten quid".
To the 'Clearance' section I then went,
When I spotted some dolls for just 60 cents.
They were 'cut out dolls' that you stick on clothes,
There was a 'Katie' and an 'Allie' - I had to get those.
"Are those for Katie - look at that one in blue,
It's called Jennifer - bet she'd like that one too".
As into my hand doll 'Jennifer' she thrust,
"OK" said I, "If I really must".
(When Jen had gone home and Katie came round,
I gave her these dolls that in Michaels I found.
With 'Katie' and 'Allie' she played with all day,
"Give Jennifer to Amy", Katie threw it away).
"Oh, I so love this Store", Jenny then said,
Look at the colors of embroidery thread.
Sandie would love it if she came to stay,
But unfortunately she says, "it's such a long way".
"Tell her to come, the journeys not bad,
I did it alone and I really am glad".
I don't think her brother is glad she is here,
I don't think he want's her back here next year!
Her shopping at 'Michaels' is finally done,
Hooray, I am thinking - time to go home.
When she spots 'World Market', another good Store,
"Let's go in here" and she heads for the door.
'World Market' sells things from places afar,
I sometimes go there for a chocolate bar.
They have signs up that say "50% Sale",
"Look Alison, jewelery, handbags as well".
A green velvet handbag - "I must have this,
The perfect gift for Nathan's Candice".
She then buys some earrings with stones that are blue,
But just before leaving - yes, she wants the loo.
Walking back to the car, she's starting to lag,
When I look around - she's sneaking a fag.
We travel back home with her bags on her lap,
A coffee, a smoke, then it's off for her nap.
That evening at dinner between courses she smokes,
Now as you know, Rex is a reasonable bloke!!!
But he's not very happy - "She's pissing me off",
As we hear her return with her hacking cough.
Just two more days, "Please just keep mute"
"I'm back", says Jen, "Let's play Trivial Pursuit".
"I'm good at this game - I am 'The Person'"
What she doesn't know - it's the American version.
With her coffee beside her, she says with a grin,
"I play this a lot and I always win".
We're into the game, she's won just one disc,
"They're American questions, I don't know this!"
Rex has two discs and I have got four,
I'f I'm gonna win, I just need two more.
We continue to play, Jen still has one,
But I've got two more - wow, this is fun.
She couldn't answer the questions, she says it's not fair,
Rex has been drinking so he doesn't care.
"Let's pack up the game, thats it", then Rex said,
"Wash up your cup Jen, we're all off to bed".
Only two more to go, Rex he can't wait.
She's still up and down all through the night,
And Rex and our Jen still they do fight.
Rex want's to stay home - today it is football,
So I say to him, "I'll take Jen to the Mall".
She's been wanting to go to 'Michaels' all week,
To the Galleria we'll go, when I've had something to eat.
Out in the garden for Jen I do look,
And there she is with her fag and a book.
"Go and get ready", to Jen I do say,
"We're going shopping, out of his way".
As we walk into 'Michaels', she looks round in awe,
"Oh" she then says, "This is my kind of store".
Was it the excitement or coffee consumed,
But she then said to me, "Where is the Restroom".
Ten minutes later she returned with a smile,
As she walked very slowly down the first aisle.
Decorations and cards Jen likes to make,
And decorataive flowere to put onto cakes.
She's picking up paints for her iced flowers,
"Oh", she is saying, "I could stay here for hours".
"I can't believe everything here is so cheap",
I'm following behind her like a lost sheep.
One hour later we've done half the store,
And she's off and she's running towards the loo door.
She's now looking at pictures and pieces of art,
"Jenny", I said, "I'm gonna get you a cart".
Her cart she is loading - a smile on her face,
"I can't get too much or I'll need a new case".
We now reach a section saying 'All Items One Dollar",
"Quick, over here Alison", she's starting to holler.
There are Calenders, Journals, Souvenirs of the States,
"Presents", she saying, "For all my workmates".
Journals she bought and small boxes with lids,
"That's my Christmas sorted for under ten quid".
To the 'Clearance' section I then went,
When I spotted some dolls for just 60 cents.
They were 'cut out dolls' that you stick on clothes,
There was a 'Katie' and an 'Allie' - I had to get those.
"Are those for Katie - look at that one in blue,
It's called Jennifer - bet she'd like that one too".
As into my hand doll 'Jennifer' she thrust,
"OK" said I, "If I really must".
(When Jen had gone home and Katie came round,
I gave her these dolls that in Michaels I found.
With 'Katie' and 'Allie' she played with all day,
"Give Jennifer to Amy", Katie threw it away).
"Oh, I so love this Store", Jenny then said,
Look at the colors of embroidery thread.
Sandie would love it if she came to stay,
But unfortunately she says, "it's such a long way".
"Tell her to come, the journeys not bad,
I did it alone and I really am glad".
I don't think her brother is glad she is here,
I don't think he want's her back here next year!
Her shopping at 'Michaels' is finally done,
Hooray, I am thinking - time to go home.
When she spots 'World Market', another good Store,
"Let's go in here" and she heads for the door.
'World Market' sells things from places afar,
I sometimes go there for a chocolate bar.
They have signs up that say "50% Sale",
"Look Alison, jewelery, handbags as well".
A green velvet handbag - "I must have this,
The perfect gift for Nathan's Candice".
She then buys some earrings with stones that are blue,
But just before leaving - yes, she wants the loo.
Walking back to the car, she's starting to lag,
When I look around - she's sneaking a fag.
We travel back home with her bags on her lap,
A coffee, a smoke, then it's off for her nap.
That evening at dinner between courses she smokes,
Now as you know, Rex is a reasonable bloke!!!
But he's not very happy - "She's pissing me off",
As we hear her return with her hacking cough.
Just two more days, "Please just keep mute"
"I'm back", says Jen, "Let's play Trivial Pursuit".
"I'm good at this game - I am 'The Person'"
What she doesn't know - it's the American version.
With her coffee beside her, she says with a grin,
"I play this a lot and I always win".
We're into the game, she's won just one disc,
"They're American questions, I don't know this!"
Rex has two discs and I have got four,
I'f I'm gonna win, I just need two more.
We continue to play, Jen still has one,
But I've got two more - wow, this is fun.
She couldn't answer the questions, she says it's not fair,
Rex has been drinking so he doesn't care.
"Let's pack up the game, thats it", then Rex said,
"Wash up your cup Jen, we're all off to bed".
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Day 7
Five in the morning, Rex is having a shower,
I've been awake about half an hour.
Jen's on the balcony enjoying the view,
Between 7 and 9 the Assessor is due.
About 8am I got a call on my Cell,
I didn't pick up so it went to voicemail.
It was Steve, the Assessor, he'd just called to say,
"I'm now in your area, just 10 minutes away".
Rex came upstairs, "Where's Jen", he then said,
"I don't know, she has probably gone back to bed".
He bangs on her door, "Get dressed Jen", he shouts,
"I don't want her half naked with strangers about".
Jen came out of the bedroom - "What was that all about",
"Does he think I'll be out there with my boobs hanging out!"
She heads off to the bathroom to have her shower,
That's the last time we'll see her for the next hour.
The Assessor has done, he was here quite a while,
"Book the car for repair", he says with a smile.
"It's now 10 o' clock, where do you want to go?"
"I'm right out of fags, can we go to Costco,
And I'd like a check shirt", Jen goes on to say,
Everyone's wearing them back in the UK.
As we walk into Costco, Jen has to look twice,
There are shelves stacked with ribbons, "Just look at the price!"
"My use of ribbons it is quite extensive,
Back home in England they are so expensive".
She's gathering ribbons with a smile on her face,
"I hope I've got room for them all in my case".
With a cart full of ribbons, her shopping is done,
Except for her fags - Rex goes and gets some.
The next stop is Target to look for a shirt,
"I don't want to pay much, it's only for work".
They did have some shirts, but nothing to suit,
So she bought us a present, 'Trivial Pursuit'.
We'll go out for dinner, Rex thought he'd give me a break,
"Let's try the 'Iguana' down by the Lake.
As we went to get ready, Jen came through the door,
Carrying three colorful Kaftans that reached to the floor.
"I thought they'd be great", she said "Oh but there not",
"The weather I fear, has just been too hot".
Thank God for that, I breathed a sigh of relief,
With Demis Rousos I just wouldn't eat!
The Iguana is Tex/Mex, not my favorite food,
So I chose an appetizer so as not to be rude.
Jen ordered the same, she didn't want a big meal,
As the waitress our glasses, with coke she did fill.
The meal it arrived - I'm never sure what I'll get,
But I have to say, it was the worst yet.
There were bits of dry chicken, some sauce just like oil,
And three tortillas wrapped up in tin foil.
Jen thought it was a really great meal,
She was so impressed that she paid the bill.
"Go over there", said Rex, he points to the right,
"We'll watch the sunset, it's a beautiful sight".
Jen sat on a bench, she was having a smoke,
Rex and I sat there with her, watching some boats.
The sun's going down but before it all goes,
Jenny jumps up and is adopting the pose.
"I want you take a picture of this,
To put in a frame for Roger's office".
We go back to the truck, set off on our way,
"Tomorrow", Jen says, "I'd like a rest day".
"I'll sit on the deck and get me some sun".
Three more days left to go and her trip will be done.
I've been awake about half an hour.
Jen's on the balcony enjoying the view,
Between 7 and 9 the Assessor is due.
About 8am I got a call on my Cell,
I didn't pick up so it went to voicemail.
It was Steve, the Assessor, he'd just called to say,
"I'm now in your area, just 10 minutes away".
Rex came upstairs, "Where's Jen", he then said,
"I don't know, she has probably gone back to bed".
He bangs on her door, "Get dressed Jen", he shouts,
"I don't want her half naked with strangers about".
Jen came out of the bedroom - "What was that all about",
"Does he think I'll be out there with my boobs hanging out!"
She heads off to the bathroom to have her shower,
That's the last time we'll see her for the next hour.
The Assessor has done, he was here quite a while,
"Book the car for repair", he says with a smile.
"It's now 10 o' clock, where do you want to go?"
"I'm right out of fags, can we go to Costco,
And I'd like a check shirt", Jen goes on to say,
Everyone's wearing them back in the UK.
As we walk into Costco, Jen has to look twice,
There are shelves stacked with ribbons, "Just look at the price!"
"My use of ribbons it is quite extensive,
Back home in England they are so expensive".
She's gathering ribbons with a smile on her face,
"I hope I've got room for them all in my case".
With a cart full of ribbons, her shopping is done,
Except for her fags - Rex goes and gets some.
The next stop is Target to look for a shirt,
"I don't want to pay much, it's only for work".
They did have some shirts, but nothing to suit,
So she bought us a present, 'Trivial Pursuit'.
We'll go out for dinner, Rex thought he'd give me a break,
"Let's try the 'Iguana' down by the Lake.
As we went to get ready, Jen came through the door,
Carrying three colorful Kaftans that reached to the floor.
"I thought they'd be great", she said "Oh but there not",
"The weather I fear, has just been too hot".
Thank God for that, I breathed a sigh of relief,
With Demis Rousos I just wouldn't eat!
The Iguana is Tex/Mex, not my favorite food,
So I chose an appetizer so as not to be rude.
Jen ordered the same, she didn't want a big meal,
As the waitress our glasses, with coke she did fill.
The meal it arrived - I'm never sure what I'll get,
But I have to say, it was the worst yet.
There were bits of dry chicken, some sauce just like oil,
And three tortillas wrapped up in tin foil.
Jen thought it was a really great meal,
She was so impressed that she paid the bill.
"Go over there", said Rex, he points to the right,
"We'll watch the sunset, it's a beautiful sight".
Jen sat on a bench, she was having a smoke,
Rex and I sat there with her, watching some boats.
The sun's going down but before it all goes,
Jenny jumps up and is adopting the pose.
"I want you take a picture of this,
To put in a frame for Roger's office".
We go back to the truck, set off on our way,
"Tomorrow", Jen says, "I'd like a rest day".
"I'll sit on the deck and get me some sun".
Three more days left to go and her trip will be done.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Day 6
It's a 90 minute drive to San Antonio,
Guess where we're going - The Alamo!
Rex is loading water into a cool bag,
And Jen's on the deck having a fag.
I'm in the Office, the shipping all done,
Rex is now yelling, "It's time we were gone".
"Just give me five Rex", was Jen's reply,
"I haven't had time to make up my eyes".
"well hurry up then, you were up before seven,
I want to be there, at the latest eleven".
It was just after 9, at last we are off,
and Jen's under threat that she's not to cough.
I hear Rex saying, "Jen get in the back".
"But I get travel sick, I can't do that".
I'm in the middle - let me take the wheel,
I'll put 'em both in the back, then they'll be ill.
We're on I35, a fast Motorway,
We've done 45 minutes so we're about half the way.
Jen's looking around, lots of new things to see,
when all of a sudden she says to me,
"Are we stopping for coffee" - I felt the mood worsen,
When Rex answered back, "You've asked the wrong person".
"I've got the wheel and the brakes and I'm driving,
I'll stop when San Antonio we arrive in.
"If you want a drink there's water or tea",
"But if I drink all that, I'll just want to pee".
"If that's the case Jen", Rex went on to say,
"Get your waterworks seen to when back in UK".
Jen kept quite quiet as onwards he sped,
"We're almost there, look for signs", then he said.
We went off at the exit marked 'The Alamo'
To the right, then the left - in the car park we go.
From the car park there's approximately a 5 minute walk,
Jen and I lagged behind having a talk.
Rex strode ahead in his usual way,
"Does he always do that", Jen then had to say.
"I just wouldn't have it - I'd get so upset".
I'm guessing she's got Roger trained like a pet!
A few minutes later we arrived at the scene,
By this time our Rex was nowhere to be seen.
A Guide with a megaphone stood by the door,
He was waiting for people to join the next tour.
Jen wanted to know what it was he was saying,
And then I saw Rex, he was calling and waving.
"Hurry up now you two", he called out to us,
"Oh, for God's sake", Jen said, "What's all the rush".
"Rex, I wanted to read what it says on those signs".
"You can look at those later - you're lagging behind".
To the Alamo Shrine, there wasn't a queue,
He wanted us in before she needed the loo.
Jenny was flustered, "I don't know what the fuss is",
"Anytime now", Rex says, "There's gonna be 10 school busses.
We shuffle inside the Alamo Shrine,
Everyone is respectful in an orderly line.
It's cool and it's quiet except for Jen's cough,
A look all around and then we are off.
Back out of the building and into the gounds,
Rex wants to take photos as there's no-one around.
"In front of the door you two - what do you reckon"?
Jen's adopting the pose of Victoria Beckham.
"I could do with a smoke", Jen said, looking quite hot,
"If you light up round here", Rex said, "You're likely get shot".
As well as the smoke, Jen of course needs a pee,
Then she sneaks in a fag behind an oak tree.
Now after all this, it's back to the signs,
With the History of Texas set in a time line.
But lacking in caffine, she's now in a mood,
She's now on the hunt for coffee and food.
"Let's go on the Riverwalk, a local attraction"'
Says I, trying to get in on the action.
"There's a tram, get a picture", she says loudly talking,
"Don't cross the road there Jen, you'll be done for jaywalking".
The Riverwalk is what you'd expect it to be,
But when she sees water, she again wants to pee.
The walk it is lined with Restaurants and Inns,
With girls in short skirts trying to entice people in.
A few yards down the walk Jen spies a seat,
"You go ahead", she said "And find somewhere to eat".
What we didn't notice was the tub full of sand,
Jen did, she already had a fag in her hand.
Along the river we walked, we didn't go far,
When we came across and Italian Bar.
Rex said, "This looks like a nice little venue",
"Let's take a look at what's on the menu".
They had sandwiches - good, we want something light,
"Go back and get Jenny, we're go in for a bite".
We sat at a table overlooking the river,
Whilst over the menu Jenny did dither.
We all chose a sandwich on toasted bread,
"I don't want mine toasted", to the waiter, Jen said.
"We can serve you plain bread but it won't be so good,
Please try it toasted", Jen said she would.
Whilst waiting for food and drinking our cokes,
We watched going by, Gondalier style boats.
"Rex, take me a picture for me to show Dad,
My camera's not working and now I am sad".
The food it arrived, a 'loaf' served with fries,
Not only that - garlic bread on the side.
"I need some more drink", and just as she spoke,
The waiter arrived with a refil of coke.
We ate what we could - one meal would have served three,
And after a gallon of coke, we all wanted a pee.
It's time to go now, back to the car,
Rex had to get back before the rush hour.
We climbed up the steps, back to the road,
And followed behind Rex, as off he strode.
The trip back to Austin wasn't eventful at all,
We sped through San Marcus and the Outlet Mall.
"We're not stopping here Jen, 'cause you don't like shopping",
Too bad if she did, Rex wasn't stopping.
Back home in Austin, we stopped at Ben White,
(A boulevard) - because there was a red light.
As the light turned to geen, alarms bells rang,
As Rex started to move, there was a big bang.
It made us all jump, as you know it would,
When a barrier came down straight onto the hood.
On the train track there appeared to be a malfunction,
We couldn't pull over - we were at a junction.
Rex was upset - needless to say,
Jen and I just kept quiet for the rest of the way.
At home in the drive Rex looked at the damage,
Jen went upstairs - Rex she couldn't manage.
"I thought he'd start swearing and start carrying on",
Said she to me later, "Thought it best I was gone".
Rex isn't like that, he'd be so offended,
As long an no-one is hurt, a car can be mended.
We're now at the end of a near perfect day,
With a $500 deductible to pay.
So open the wine, lets drown our sorrows,
The Insurance Assessor is coming tomorrow.
Guess where we're going - The Alamo!
Rex is loading water into a cool bag,
And Jen's on the deck having a fag.
I'm in the Office, the shipping all done,
Rex is now yelling, "It's time we were gone".
"Just give me five Rex", was Jen's reply,
"I haven't had time to make up my eyes".
"well hurry up then, you were up before seven,
I want to be there, at the latest eleven".
It was just after 9, at last we are off,
and Jen's under threat that she's not to cough.
I hear Rex saying, "Jen get in the back".
"But I get travel sick, I can't do that".
I'm in the middle - let me take the wheel,
I'll put 'em both in the back, then they'll be ill.
We're on I35, a fast Motorway,
We've done 45 minutes so we're about half the way.
Jen's looking around, lots of new things to see,
when all of a sudden she says to me,
"Are we stopping for coffee" - I felt the mood worsen,
When Rex answered back, "You've asked the wrong person".
"I've got the wheel and the brakes and I'm driving,
I'll stop when San Antonio we arrive in.
"If you want a drink there's water or tea",
"But if I drink all that, I'll just want to pee".
"If that's the case Jen", Rex went on to say,
"Get your waterworks seen to when back in UK".
Jen kept quite quiet as onwards he sped,
"We're almost there, look for signs", then he said.
We went off at the exit marked 'The Alamo'
To the right, then the left - in the car park we go.
From the car park there's approximately a 5 minute walk,
Jen and I lagged behind having a talk.
Rex strode ahead in his usual way,
"Does he always do that", Jen then had to say.
"I just wouldn't have it - I'd get so upset".
I'm guessing she's got Roger trained like a pet!
A few minutes later we arrived at the scene,
By this time our Rex was nowhere to be seen.
A Guide with a megaphone stood by the door,
He was waiting for people to join the next tour.
Jen wanted to know what it was he was saying,
And then I saw Rex, he was calling and waving.
"Hurry up now you two", he called out to us,
"Oh, for God's sake", Jen said, "What's all the rush".
"Rex, I wanted to read what it says on those signs".
"You can look at those later - you're lagging behind".
To the Alamo Shrine, there wasn't a queue,
He wanted us in before she needed the loo.
Jenny was flustered, "I don't know what the fuss is",
"Anytime now", Rex says, "There's gonna be 10 school busses.
We shuffle inside the Alamo Shrine,
Everyone is respectful in an orderly line.
It's cool and it's quiet except for Jen's cough,
A look all around and then we are off.
Back out of the building and into the gounds,
Rex wants to take photos as there's no-one around.
"In front of the door you two - what do you reckon"?
Jen's adopting the pose of Victoria Beckham.
"I could do with a smoke", Jen said, looking quite hot,
"If you light up round here", Rex said, "You're likely get shot".
As well as the smoke, Jen of course needs a pee,
Then she sneaks in a fag behind an oak tree.
Now after all this, it's back to the signs,
With the History of Texas set in a time line.
But lacking in caffine, she's now in a mood,
She's now on the hunt for coffee and food.
"Let's go on the Riverwalk, a local attraction"'
Says I, trying to get in on the action.
"There's a tram, get a picture", she says loudly talking,
"Don't cross the road there Jen, you'll be done for jaywalking".
The Riverwalk is what you'd expect it to be,
But when she sees water, she again wants to pee.
The walk it is lined with Restaurants and Inns,
With girls in short skirts trying to entice people in.
A few yards down the walk Jen spies a seat,
"You go ahead", she said "And find somewhere to eat".
What we didn't notice was the tub full of sand,
Jen did, she already had a fag in her hand.
Along the river we walked, we didn't go far,
When we came across and Italian Bar.
Rex said, "This looks like a nice little venue",
"Let's take a look at what's on the menu".
They had sandwiches - good, we want something light,
"Go back and get Jenny, we're go in for a bite".
We sat at a table overlooking the river,
Whilst over the menu Jenny did dither.
We all chose a sandwich on toasted bread,
"I don't want mine toasted", to the waiter, Jen said.
"We can serve you plain bread but it won't be so good,
Please try it toasted", Jen said she would.
Whilst waiting for food and drinking our cokes,
We watched going by, Gondalier style boats.
"Rex, take me a picture for me to show Dad,
My camera's not working and now I am sad".
The food it arrived, a 'loaf' served with fries,
Not only that - garlic bread on the side.
"I need some more drink", and just as she spoke,
The waiter arrived with a refil of coke.
We ate what we could - one meal would have served three,
And after a gallon of coke, we all wanted a pee.
It's time to go now, back to the car,
Rex had to get back before the rush hour.
We climbed up the steps, back to the road,
And followed behind Rex, as off he strode.
The trip back to Austin wasn't eventful at all,
We sped through San Marcus and the Outlet Mall.
"We're not stopping here Jen, 'cause you don't like shopping",
Too bad if she did, Rex wasn't stopping.
Back home in Austin, we stopped at Ben White,
(A boulevard) - because there was a red light.
As the light turned to geen, alarms bells rang,
As Rex started to move, there was a big bang.
It made us all jump, as you know it would,
When a barrier came down straight onto the hood.
On the train track there appeared to be a malfunction,
We couldn't pull over - we were at a junction.
Rex was upset - needless to say,
Jen and I just kept quiet for the rest of the way.
At home in the drive Rex looked at the damage,
Jen went upstairs - Rex she couldn't manage.
"I thought he'd start swearing and start carrying on",
Said she to me later, "Thought it best I was gone".
Rex isn't like that, he'd be so offended,
As long an no-one is hurt, a car can be mended.
We're now at the end of a near perfect day,
With a $500 deductible to pay.
So open the wine, lets drown our sorrows,
The Insurance Assessor is coming tomorrow.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Day 5
Today it is Tuesday - IT'S GIRLIE DAY!
It's not really me - but Jen's gonna pay.
She's going for manicure and maybe her feet,
I've opted for haircut, as this is her treat.
She's ready by nine, that's early for Jen,
Too early to go yet - nowhere's open 'till Ten.
"Where are we going, Salon's are there many?"
Salons and Day Spas are here two a penny.
Meanwhile in the Garage, Rex still smells smoke,
He's shampooed the umbrellas and left them to soak.
Jen then emerges with a bowl full of ash,
Rex says, "I hope you're taking that to the trash".
"Oh no" says Jen, "I've got a zip bag,
I leave in the Garage, it's full of spent fags".
From this revelation, Rex he is reeling,
I'm going in before he hits the ceiling.
From indoors I hear both voices raised,
Evidently, she hidden two dirty ashtrays.
"Get in and wash them", she's taking some flack,
But to Jen, it's just water off a duck's back.
We set off from home about half past ten,
In search of a Day Spa - just me and Jen.
At the new Galleria, I knew there were two,
But before we could find one, Jen wanted the loo.
She came out of the Restroom, she said, "There were flowers,
And beautiful wash basins made of marble", like ours.
Just round the corner, not very far,
Was a hair and nail salon, called Angels Day Spa.
As we peered through the window, out through the door,
Came a woman, she was beckoning, "Come in take a tour".
She gave Jen a price list as we walked down the hall,
To a room at the back with TV on the wall.
"Let's do it", said Jen, sitting in a large chair,
"I'll get my nails one whilst they do your hair".
The hairdresser's not in yet, she's a little bit late,
"Take a seat" said the manicurist, "watch me whilst you wait".
Whilst Jen sat aloof in this big leather seat,
Below in a foot spa she dangled her feet.
"This water's too hot for my feet I do think",
She said to a woman who'd bought us a drink.
The manicurist returned carrying trays of enamels,
Whilst I sat there watching the Food Network chanel.
The seat Jen was in then began to vibrate,
"This is good for my back, Oooh this feels great".
Just then through to door, whilst Jen was still cooing,
A big woman appeared who's roots needed doing.
Then Jen glanced at me with a dubious stare,
When the manicurist said, "She'll be doing your hair".
As I walked to the door, I heard Jenny bleat,
"Don't pay when your finished - remember, My Treat".
I followed this woman who said, "Hi, I'm Ann",
"What can I do for you today Maam?"
"Take off two inches", I said - what the heck,
As Ann washed my hair and massaged my neck.
"This will help you relax for the rest of the day",
I bet this will cost me - still Jen's gonna pay!
We're chatting away and then in comes John,
The other hairdresser, who says, " Where y'all from?"
"I so love your accent" - that's what they all say,
He's very effeminate, I think that he's gay.
My haircut is finished and styled in a bob,
I have got to admit, she did a good job.
"You look 10 years younger" said Ann with a smile,
As I went to find Jen, who'd been gone quite a while.
I couldn't find Jen so I went to enquire,
Then there she was with her hands in the dryer.
"I'm just about ready" she said, blowing her nose,
With cotton wool stuffed between all of her toes.
It's time for our Jen to now settle the bill,
At the front desk, there's Ann, shes now on the till.
One hundred and ten dollars Jen has to pay,
"It would cost that in pounds back in the UK".
Jen is quite happy - "Don't forget there's a tip",
She slips each ten bucks - it's still quite a snip!
For a magnifying mirror Jen's looked everywhere,
On the way to the car, we pass the shop 'CLAIRES'.
The shop it is empty - just full of bling,
Then a voice said, "I'm here if you want anything".
We looked round the shop - no-one could we see,
Then from behind a counter - a girl, four foot three.
Jen said what she wanted, "Here's one like a heart",
It cost her $10, it was 2 in Walmart!
Our GIRLIE DAY over, it's time to go home,
Jenny is wondering if Roger's phoned.
Of this day I was doubtful but it's been good for me,
Jen's gone for hours - No fag and No pee!
It's not really me - but Jen's gonna pay.
She's going for manicure and maybe her feet,
I've opted for haircut, as this is her treat.
She's ready by nine, that's early for Jen,
Too early to go yet - nowhere's open 'till Ten.
"Where are we going, Salon's are there many?"
Salons and Day Spas are here two a penny.
Meanwhile in the Garage, Rex still smells smoke,
He's shampooed the umbrellas and left them to soak.
Jen then emerges with a bowl full of ash,
Rex says, "I hope you're taking that to the trash".
"Oh no" says Jen, "I've got a zip bag,
I leave in the Garage, it's full of spent fags".
From this revelation, Rex he is reeling,
I'm going in before he hits the ceiling.
From indoors I hear both voices raised,
Evidently, she hidden two dirty ashtrays.
"Get in and wash them", she's taking some flack,
But to Jen, it's just water off a duck's back.
We set off from home about half past ten,
In search of a Day Spa - just me and Jen.
At the new Galleria, I knew there were two,
But before we could find one, Jen wanted the loo.
She came out of the Restroom, she said, "There were flowers,
And beautiful wash basins made of marble", like ours.
Just round the corner, not very far,
Was a hair and nail salon, called Angels Day Spa.
As we peered through the window, out through the door,
Came a woman, she was beckoning, "Come in take a tour".
She gave Jen a price list as we walked down the hall,
To a room at the back with TV on the wall.
"Let's do it", said Jen, sitting in a large chair,
"I'll get my nails one whilst they do your hair".
The hairdresser's not in yet, she's a little bit late,
"Take a seat" said the manicurist, "watch me whilst you wait".
Whilst Jen sat aloof in this big leather seat,
Below in a foot spa she dangled her feet.
"This water's too hot for my feet I do think",
She said to a woman who'd bought us a drink.
The manicurist returned carrying trays of enamels,
Whilst I sat there watching the Food Network chanel.
The seat Jen was in then began to vibrate,
"This is good for my back, Oooh this feels great".
Just then through to door, whilst Jen was still cooing,
A big woman appeared who's roots needed doing.
Then Jen glanced at me with a dubious stare,
When the manicurist said, "She'll be doing your hair".
As I walked to the door, I heard Jenny bleat,
"Don't pay when your finished - remember, My Treat".
I followed this woman who said, "Hi, I'm Ann",
"What can I do for you today Maam?"
"Take off two inches", I said - what the heck,
As Ann washed my hair and massaged my neck.
"This will help you relax for the rest of the day",
I bet this will cost me - still Jen's gonna pay!
We're chatting away and then in comes John,
The other hairdresser, who says, " Where y'all from?"
"I so love your accent" - that's what they all say,
He's very effeminate, I think that he's gay.
My haircut is finished and styled in a bob,
I have got to admit, she did a good job.
"You look 10 years younger" said Ann with a smile,
As I went to find Jen, who'd been gone quite a while.
I couldn't find Jen so I went to enquire,
Then there she was with her hands in the dryer.
"I'm just about ready" she said, blowing her nose,
With cotton wool stuffed between all of her toes.
It's time for our Jen to now settle the bill,
At the front desk, there's Ann, shes now on the till.
One hundred and ten dollars Jen has to pay,
"It would cost that in pounds back in the UK".
Jen is quite happy - "Don't forget there's a tip",
She slips each ten bucks - it's still quite a snip!
For a magnifying mirror Jen's looked everywhere,
On the way to the car, we pass the shop 'CLAIRES'.
The shop it is empty - just full of bling,
Then a voice said, "I'm here if you want anything".
We looked round the shop - no-one could we see,
Then from behind a counter - a girl, four foot three.
Jen said what she wanted, "Here's one like a heart",
It cost her $10, it was 2 in Walmart!
Our GIRLIE DAY over, it's time to go home,
Jenny is wondering if Roger's phoned.
Of this day I was doubtful but it's been good for me,
Jen's gone for hours - No fag and No pee!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Day 4
This day's starting badly, I hear the balcony door,
I look at the clock, it's a quarter to 4.
Rex gets up and quickly gets dressed,
He slides open the door and says, "Jen you are a pest".
"I've told you before, you're selfish and mean,
With no thought for others, your behaviour's obscene".
"Just get with the programme and stop acting the prat,
This nonsense stops now, no more, that's that!"
Today it is Monday, our busiest day,
With shipping to do before it's midday.
"We can't go out early, there's things to be done"
"OK" says Jen, "I'll just sit in the sun".
She's off to the deck with her fags and a book,
"Rex, I need the umbrella - can you take a look".
"I could do with a coffee", she says a bit later,
Rex says, "She thinks I'm her bloody waiter".
She's back in again, "It's hot where I'm sitting",
"I'm going upstairs to put on something more fitting".
She stumbles back down with a shawl round her waist,
Long tassles a dangling - you should have seen Rex's face.
"She'll get stripes on her legs if she dresses that way,
She'll look like a Zebra", says Rex, laughing away.
I'm off to do shipping and get myself dressed,
I'm in the middle and totally stressed.
We buy Starbucks iced coffee, it's our afternoon treat,
There's 12 in a pack and they last us a week.
Now Jenny has seen these on the fridge shelf,
"Can I have one", "Yes Jenny, please help yourself".
A mistake on my part as you will hear later,
Meanwhile it is noon and for lunch I must cater.
At lunch Rex told Jen, "Katie's coming from school,
She likes to come round and swim in the pool".
"If she sees you smoking, it's a bad influence,
So don't smoke whilst she's here, you know it makes sense".
She's off for her nap after a phone call from Roger,
And constant attempts to contact her lodger.
Rex in the garage, smells smoke so he thinks,
"Come over here Ali, everything stinks".
"I'm gonna shampoo the chairs, it's coming from those",
As he turns on the water and connects up the hose.
To the fridge I then go for a drink 'cause it's hot,
Remember the iced coffee - well she's drank the lot!
I know if I tell Rex it was cause such a fuss,
So I'm off to get Katie from the school bus.
Katy gets back and of course is excited,
She always is when we have people invited.
She runs up to Jenny, whose having a cough,
She looks in the ashtray, then runs back off.
Half an hour later when she'd had her swim,
Katie finds Rex and she whispers to him.
"Grandad" she says, "I need to tell you,
Your sister's been smoking - I know she's had two".
"I told you no smoking", Rex yelled at Jen,
"Don't let me see you do that again".
"She was in the pool swimming, she didn't see",
Katie misses nothing - would we all agree!!
As we approach the end of another long day,
Jenny comes up and has something to say.
"Tomorrow is Tuesday - can we have some fun",
"I'd like to go somewhere and get my nails done!"
"A real girlie day, I think would be great".
Oh goody, goody, I cannot wait.
I look at the clock, it's a quarter to 4.
Rex gets up and quickly gets dressed,
He slides open the door and says, "Jen you are a pest".
"I've told you before, you're selfish and mean,
With no thought for others, your behaviour's obscene".
"Just get with the programme and stop acting the prat,
This nonsense stops now, no more, that's that!"
Today it is Monday, our busiest day,
With shipping to do before it's midday.
"We can't go out early, there's things to be done"
"OK" says Jen, "I'll just sit in the sun".
She's off to the deck with her fags and a book,
"Rex, I need the umbrella - can you take a look".
"I could do with a coffee", she says a bit later,
Rex says, "She thinks I'm her bloody waiter".
She's back in again, "It's hot where I'm sitting",
"I'm going upstairs to put on something more fitting".
She stumbles back down with a shawl round her waist,
Long tassles a dangling - you should have seen Rex's face.
"She'll get stripes on her legs if she dresses that way,
She'll look like a Zebra", says Rex, laughing away.
I'm off to do shipping and get myself dressed,
I'm in the middle and totally stressed.
We buy Starbucks iced coffee, it's our afternoon treat,
There's 12 in a pack and they last us a week.
Now Jenny has seen these on the fridge shelf,
"Can I have one", "Yes Jenny, please help yourself".
A mistake on my part as you will hear later,
Meanwhile it is noon and for lunch I must cater.
At lunch Rex told Jen, "Katie's coming from school,
She likes to come round and swim in the pool".
"If she sees you smoking, it's a bad influence,
So don't smoke whilst she's here, you know it makes sense".
She's off for her nap after a phone call from Roger,
And constant attempts to contact her lodger.
Rex in the garage, smells smoke so he thinks,
"Come over here Ali, everything stinks".
"I'm gonna shampoo the chairs, it's coming from those",
As he turns on the water and connects up the hose.
To the fridge I then go for a drink 'cause it's hot,
Remember the iced coffee - well she's drank the lot!
I know if I tell Rex it was cause such a fuss,
So I'm off to get Katie from the school bus.
Katy gets back and of course is excited,
She always is when we have people invited.
She runs up to Jenny, whose having a cough,
She looks in the ashtray, then runs back off.
Half an hour later when she'd had her swim,
Katie finds Rex and she whispers to him.
"Grandad" she says, "I need to tell you,
Your sister's been smoking - I know she's had two".
"I told you no smoking", Rex yelled at Jen,
"Don't let me see you do that again".
"She was in the pool swimming, she didn't see",
Katie misses nothing - would we all agree!!
As we approach the end of another long day,
Jenny comes up and has something to say.
"Tomorrow is Tuesday - can we have some fun",
"I'd like to go somewhere and get my nails done!"
"A real girlie day, I think would be great".
Oh goody, goody, I cannot wait.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Day 3
Today it is Sunday, I'm hearing Rex shout,
Last night, again restless, she let herself out.
"Jenny, you're selfish, we all need some rest,
You're trying my patience and you think I jest".
"Please stop this prowling for coffee", Rex asked,
"If you can't last all night, I'll buy you a flask".
"But I like to get up in the night", Jen did bleat.
Her intake of coffee is why she can't sleep!
Back upstairs she did trundle, she's coughing again,
"Good Morning Alison, have you got a pen?"
A journal she's writing about things here she'll do,
I said to Rex, "Bet it's all about you".
Rex then gets up, it's 7 o'clock,
He went out of the bedroom and the porch door did lock.
He looked on the balcony - no Jen did he see,
The bathroom door it was shut, he thought she'd gone for a pee.
Then off to our bathroom, it's time for my shower,
I then do my make up, I'm gone half and hour.
I finally emerge with towel on my head,
I hear lots of banging right next to my bed.
I go to the window and open the blind,
I see Jen, she is shouting - is she out of her mind!
"Let me in", she is yelling, "I'm needing the loo",
"Rex locked me out, I didn't know what to do".
Evidently she'd been banging and shouting a while,
When I related it to Rex, all he did was smile.
"I didn't know she was out there", he said,
"I thought she had probably gone back to bed".
After breakfast Rex says, "It's a beautiful day,
Let's go to the Capitol" - she coughed all the way.
It's restricted parking, so while Rex parked the car,
He dropped me and Jen by the big Texas Star.
She'd coughing and gasping, she can't get her breath,
"Hurry up Rex", she seems close to death!
On the walk up to the Capitol she went like a rocket,
"Oh Look", she says, "There's Davy Crocket".
We entered the building, "Oh it's so clean",
When Rex said, "no smoking", she said, "that's so mean".
The Entrance Hall entered, she looked round in awe,
Then she saw George Bush's portrait hung on the wall.
To the Senate Room next we all had to go,
Where there's a gigantic painting of 'The Alamo'.
"Who fought in this Battle", she then said to Rex,
"Oh, come on Jen, you've heard of Tex Mex"!
Our next priority is to find the Restroom,
If Jen doesn't pee soon our progress is doomed.
It seems that the signs to the loos have been hid,
Honest to God, it's like having a kid.
At last she's relieved and now a short hop,
Just over the way to the Souvenier Shop.
She's now filled with joy and yes it gets worse,
She's bought solar powered key rings and a cheap tacky purse.
She spent mega dollars, the Staff were polite,
I bet they were - they could go home for the night.
We'd been ther for 2 hours and Jen's will is weak,
"I need to get out now, back onto the street".
"You can't smoke out there, no smoking allowed",
"Oh, no-one will notice if I'm in with the crowd".
But no-one was out there, for people she searched,
She didn't know Sundays they all go to Church.
On the route home, Whole Foods is near,
"Do you want to go there, we could do with some beer?"
Now Whole Foods I love, it's my favorite store,
But the street where we park wasn't two way no more.
Rex said, "I'll go round the block once again",
Now, I'm in the back seat right behind Jen.
"There's a meter" I said, "Just over there".
"Over where", shouted Rex and he started to swear.
"That's it we're off, I'm not going to try",
He just revved the engine and drove straight on by.
"I was shocked", Jen said later, "I thought Rex was calm",
"He is", I said mostly, that's just part of his charm!
She's now off for her nap, that's three hours we've got,
She's upstairs sleeping and snoring a lot.
I'm cooking roast turkey with trimmings tonight,
I'm stuck in the middle - I hope they don't fight.
We've finished main course, Jen's off for a smoke,
Rex looks really angry and says, "It's no joke".
"Good manners dictate that you stay 'till the end,
And don't go off smoking, that's rude and offends".
Rex says that she's turned into the House Guest from Hell,
He can't wait 'till it's over - all that cigarette smell.
I'm stuck in the middle - what can I say,
At least we've got through another Jen Day.
Last night, again restless, she let herself out.
"Jenny, you're selfish, we all need some rest,
You're trying my patience and you think I jest".
"Please stop this prowling for coffee", Rex asked,
"If you can't last all night, I'll buy you a flask".
"But I like to get up in the night", Jen did bleat.
Her intake of coffee is why she can't sleep!
Back upstairs she did trundle, she's coughing again,
"Good Morning Alison, have you got a pen?"
A journal she's writing about things here she'll do,
I said to Rex, "Bet it's all about you".
Rex then gets up, it's 7 o'clock,
He went out of the bedroom and the porch door did lock.
He looked on the balcony - no Jen did he see,
The bathroom door it was shut, he thought she'd gone for a pee.
Then off to our bathroom, it's time for my shower,
I then do my make up, I'm gone half and hour.
I finally emerge with towel on my head,
I hear lots of banging right next to my bed.
I go to the window and open the blind,
I see Jen, she is shouting - is she out of her mind!
"Let me in", she is yelling, "I'm needing the loo",
"Rex locked me out, I didn't know what to do".
Evidently she'd been banging and shouting a while,
When I related it to Rex, all he did was smile.
"I didn't know she was out there", he said,
"I thought she had probably gone back to bed".
After breakfast Rex says, "It's a beautiful day,
Let's go to the Capitol" - she coughed all the way.
It's restricted parking, so while Rex parked the car,
He dropped me and Jen by the big Texas Star.
She'd coughing and gasping, she can't get her breath,
"Hurry up Rex", she seems close to death!
On the walk up to the Capitol she went like a rocket,
"Oh Look", she says, "There's Davy Crocket".
We entered the building, "Oh it's so clean",
When Rex said, "no smoking", she said, "that's so mean".
The Entrance Hall entered, she looked round in awe,
Then she saw George Bush's portrait hung on the wall.
To the Senate Room next we all had to go,
Where there's a gigantic painting of 'The Alamo'.
"Who fought in this Battle", she then said to Rex,
"Oh, come on Jen, you've heard of Tex Mex"!
Our next priority is to find the Restroom,
If Jen doesn't pee soon our progress is doomed.
It seems that the signs to the loos have been hid,
Honest to God, it's like having a kid.
At last she's relieved and now a short hop,
Just over the way to the Souvenier Shop.
She's now filled with joy and yes it gets worse,
She's bought solar powered key rings and a cheap tacky purse.
She spent mega dollars, the Staff were polite,
I bet they were - they could go home for the night.
We'd been ther for 2 hours and Jen's will is weak,
"I need to get out now, back onto the street".
"You can't smoke out there, no smoking allowed",
"Oh, no-one will notice if I'm in with the crowd".
But no-one was out there, for people she searched,
She didn't know Sundays they all go to Church.
On the route home, Whole Foods is near,
"Do you want to go there, we could do with some beer?"
Now Whole Foods I love, it's my favorite store,
But the street where we park wasn't two way no more.
Rex said, "I'll go round the block once again",
Now, I'm in the back seat right behind Jen.
"There's a meter" I said, "Just over there".
"Over where", shouted Rex and he started to swear.
"That's it we're off, I'm not going to try",
He just revved the engine and drove straight on by.
"I was shocked", Jen said later, "I thought Rex was calm",
"He is", I said mostly, that's just part of his charm!
She's now off for her nap, that's three hours we've got,
She's upstairs sleeping and snoring a lot.
I'm cooking roast turkey with trimmings tonight,
I'm stuck in the middle - I hope they don't fight.
We've finished main course, Jen's off for a smoke,
Rex looks really angry and says, "It's no joke".
"Good manners dictate that you stay 'till the end,
And don't go off smoking, that's rude and offends".
Rex says that she's turned into the House Guest from Hell,
He can't wait 'till it's over - all that cigarette smell.
I'm stuck in the middle - what can I say,
At least we've got through another Jen Day.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Day 2
Day 2
We're now on day 2, she's been bouncing all night,
Up at 2 and then 3, it's not even light.
At 6am Saturday, Rex does arise,
He is not happy, he's sleep deprived.
He goes down the stairs, there's Jenny in white,
"What's going on, who won the fight?".
"What fight", says Jen, whilst boiling the kettle,
"The door banging one, that sounds like a battle".
Jen thought he was joking and went on her way,
To the balcony for a fag to start the new day.
Today is her Birthday, she turns 62,
I go and ask her what she want's to do.
She doesn't know, she will leave it to me,
But she need some more fags, she's smoked 'Duty Frees'.
Rex suggests Costco 'cause that's the best place,
"Go and tell Jenny to put on her face".
An hour now has passed, Rex says that's plenty,
He knocks on her door and says, "We're going in 20",
"I'm not ready yet, my hair is not straight",
"And a fag and a coffee I've yet got to make".
Rex is not happy, he's getting quite cross,
"Let's go without her, I'll show her who's boss".
"Please just calm down, we're not in a race",
I'm stuck in the middle - I know my place!!
At last we're at Costco - it's food sampling day,
Jenny's quite happily chomping away.
She's tasting some drink - an high energy one,
"I like this", she says, "Will you buy me some".
Rex reluctantly puts them in the cart that's now full,
Not fully realizing that they're just like Red Bull!
The shoppings all done except for the smokes,
She's still coughing and spluttering, I think Rex hopes she chokes.
Back home, she's straight out to sit on the deck,
"I need an umbrella - the sun's on my neck".
Rex puts the fan on, the one with the spray,
"My hair will go frizzy, please take it away".
With fag in one hand and cup in the other,
She then says to Rex, "Can I phone my ex-lover".
"Where is he now", says Rex, "In the UK?"
"No, Kazackstan, but he's coming to stay".
"You're having a laugh, I know very well,
It will cost me a fotune if you're phoning a 'Cell'.
Lunch is now over, it's time for her nap.
"If Roger calls, just give me a tap".
Meanwhile Rex is outside, I know he's quite mad,
Taking pictures of ashtrays to show to his Dad.
"Where's my dear sister - go wake her up",
"Get her out here to clear up her cups".
Three hours later Jen is awake,
Go and get ready, we're off for a steak.
It's her Birthday you see, so we have to be nice,
Texas Land & Cattle is our diner of choice.
Jenny and I we got all dolled up,
Then Rex, in his jeans, said, "We're taking the Truck.
Now Jen's vertically challenged, as I mentioned before,
So Rex pulled her in, whilst I held the door.
We're ready to go, Rex turns the key,
We're all sat up front like 3 Wise Monkeys.
At the restaurant carpark, we've a problem no doubt,
Jen's legs are so short, she now can't get out.
So Rex drives around and parks by a high mound,
And tells her to jump and aim for the ground.
In the Restaurant we arrive, we now are all sat,
Margharittas in order - Jen can't have that.
The steaks are all good - they always are,
I'm looking yearningly towards the bar.
What I wouldn't do for a bottle of wine,
2 days are over, that only leaves 9.
We're now on day 2, she's been bouncing all night,
Up at 2 and then 3, it's not even light.
At 6am Saturday, Rex does arise,
He is not happy, he's sleep deprived.
He goes down the stairs, there's Jenny in white,
"What's going on, who won the fight?".
"What fight", says Jen, whilst boiling the kettle,
"The door banging one, that sounds like a battle".
Jen thought he was joking and went on her way,
To the balcony for a fag to start the new day.
Today is her Birthday, she turns 62,
I go and ask her what she want's to do.
She doesn't know, she will leave it to me,
But she need some more fags, she's smoked 'Duty Frees'.
Rex suggests Costco 'cause that's the best place,
"Go and tell Jenny to put on her face".
An hour now has passed, Rex says that's plenty,
He knocks on her door and says, "We're going in 20",
"I'm not ready yet, my hair is not straight",
"And a fag and a coffee I've yet got to make".
Rex is not happy, he's getting quite cross,
"Let's go without her, I'll show her who's boss".
"Please just calm down, we're not in a race",
I'm stuck in the middle - I know my place!!
At last we're at Costco - it's food sampling day,
Jenny's quite happily chomping away.
She's tasting some drink - an high energy one,
"I like this", she says, "Will you buy me some".
Rex reluctantly puts them in the cart that's now full,
Not fully realizing that they're just like Red Bull!
The shoppings all done except for the smokes,
She's still coughing and spluttering, I think Rex hopes she chokes.
Back home, she's straight out to sit on the deck,
"I need an umbrella - the sun's on my neck".
Rex puts the fan on, the one with the spray,
"My hair will go frizzy, please take it away".
With fag in one hand and cup in the other,
She then says to Rex, "Can I phone my ex-lover".
"Where is he now", says Rex, "In the UK?"
"No, Kazackstan, but he's coming to stay".
"You're having a laugh, I know very well,
It will cost me a fotune if you're phoning a 'Cell'.
Lunch is now over, it's time for her nap.
"If Roger calls, just give me a tap".
Meanwhile Rex is outside, I know he's quite mad,
Taking pictures of ashtrays to show to his Dad.
"Where's my dear sister - go wake her up",
"Get her out here to clear up her cups".
Three hours later Jen is awake,
Go and get ready, we're off for a steak.
It's her Birthday you see, so we have to be nice,
Texas Land & Cattle is our diner of choice.
Jenny and I we got all dolled up,
Then Rex, in his jeans, said, "We're taking the Truck.
Now Jen's vertically challenged, as I mentioned before,
So Rex pulled her in, whilst I held the door.
We're ready to go, Rex turns the key,
We're all sat up front like 3 Wise Monkeys.
At the restaurant carpark, we've a problem no doubt,
Jen's legs are so short, she now can't get out.
So Rex drives around and parks by a high mound,
And tells her to jump and aim for the ground.
In the Restaurant we arrive, we now are all sat,
Margharittas in order - Jen can't have that.
The steaks are all good - they always are,
I'm looking yearningly towards the bar.
What I wouldn't do for a bottle of wine,
2 days are over, that only leaves 9.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Day 1
On September 4th 2008,
For Jenny's first visit, Rex couldn't wait.
We drove to the Airport, we were a bit early,
So at Denny's we stopped and had fries that were curly.
At the Airport, the aircraft was now at the Gate,
So we knew that we wouldn't have too long to wait.
Down the stairs she did glide, waving her hand,
As her bag travelled round on the carousell band.
"Could you get my luggage", to Rex was the order,
"It's heavy, it's silver and it got a black border".
Back home we arrived, Rex got her bag,
She asked for an ashtray, she wanted a fag.
"You can't smoke indoors", Rex was quite blunt,
"Oh, that's quite alright, I'll sit out the front".
I showed her the room and things she could use,
Not realising at that time, some things she'd abuse!
She unpacked her bag whilst I got the dinner,
The last time I saw her - I'm sure she was thinner.
She came back downstairs with gifts from her bag,
Then back to the balcony for another damn fag.
Whe dinner was finished, she wanted a drink,
She's Teetotal, so wines off the menu I think.
"I want a coffee", she said, "but not that you grind",
I found her some "Instant" Tim left behind.
Then off to the balcony and into the night,
With her cup and her ashtray and her Marlborough Light.
"I'm off for a shower, I'm tired now", she said,
It was 10pm, so we all went to bed.
Two hours later, Rex was awoken,
By a noise that sounded like things being broken.
"It's Jenny" he said, as he looked at the clock,
She wasn't aware that he ownes a Glock!!
Back to her room she retired with her coffee black,
We went back to sleep and thought that was that.
But two hours later, she was rattling about,
She wanted a fag and tried to get out.
But the lock on the door was too high for poor Jen,
You see the poor woman is just 4 foot 10.
Next morning quite early, Rex the stairs he went down,
To be confronted by Jen in a white dressing gown.
"Can you unlock the door Rex", she said with a smile,
"I want to go out on the porch for a while".
She coughed and she coughed, it really was rasping,
She wanted out - for a fag she was gasping.
She doesn't eat breakfast, she doesn't drink tea,
She just smokes and coughs and constantly pees.
I sit down for a chat, she talks of her lodger,
And then she says, "Can I please phone Roger".
"Of course you can Jen," as I hand her the phone,
When Rex sees the bill, I know he will moan!
Roger's her boyfriend back in the UK,
He was meant to come with her, but decided to stay.
After talking for ages, "Roger wishes you well",
It was then I found out she was phoning a 'Cell'.
One hour later she's out on the Deck,
"Who's making me coffee" - she's got a neck!
"If you want a drink Jen, you make it yourself",
Was Rex's reply, "the cups on the shelf".
"I must have a cup and a saucer - not mug",
By this time poor Rex she is starting to bug.
Then Rex says to Jen - "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know", says Jen - "The Alamo!"
"You have to rise early if you want to go there",
"All the time you take drying and straightening your hair".
At length the decision Rex has to make,
"Let's go for lunch down by the Lake",
We went to the Oasis, the view there is great,
But as y'all know, the food there I hate!
They both had Mexican, I had a wrap,
They both liked theirs but mine it was crap.
The meal it is over, but before we can leave,
Jenny goes out for a fag and a pee.
Back home she's straight onto the deck for a smoke,
She's hyped up on coffee and loads of free coke.
By now it's 2.30 and time for her nap,
A few hours of peace - thank God for that!
The rest of the day is more of the same,
By the end of the week - will I still be sane!!!
For Jenny's first visit, Rex couldn't wait.
We drove to the Airport, we were a bit early,
So at Denny's we stopped and had fries that were curly.
At the Airport, the aircraft was now at the Gate,
So we knew that we wouldn't have too long to wait.
Down the stairs she did glide, waving her hand,
As her bag travelled round on the carousell band.
"Could you get my luggage", to Rex was the order,
"It's heavy, it's silver and it got a black border".
Back home we arrived, Rex got her bag,
She asked for an ashtray, she wanted a fag.
"You can't smoke indoors", Rex was quite blunt,
"Oh, that's quite alright, I'll sit out the front".
I showed her the room and things she could use,
Not realising at that time, some things she'd abuse!
She unpacked her bag whilst I got the dinner,
The last time I saw her - I'm sure she was thinner.
She came back downstairs with gifts from her bag,
Then back to the balcony for another damn fag.
Whe dinner was finished, she wanted a drink,
She's Teetotal, so wines off the menu I think.
"I want a coffee", she said, "but not that you grind",
I found her some "Instant" Tim left behind.
Then off to the balcony and into the night,
With her cup and her ashtray and her Marlborough Light.
"I'm off for a shower, I'm tired now", she said,
It was 10pm, so we all went to bed.
Two hours later, Rex was awoken,
By a noise that sounded like things being broken.
"It's Jenny" he said, as he looked at the clock,
She wasn't aware that he ownes a Glock!!
Back to her room she retired with her coffee black,
We went back to sleep and thought that was that.
But two hours later, she was rattling about,
She wanted a fag and tried to get out.
But the lock on the door was too high for poor Jen,
You see the poor woman is just 4 foot 10.
Next morning quite early, Rex the stairs he went down,
To be confronted by Jen in a white dressing gown.
"Can you unlock the door Rex", she said with a smile,
"I want to go out on the porch for a while".
She coughed and she coughed, it really was rasping,
She wanted out - for a fag she was gasping.
She doesn't eat breakfast, she doesn't drink tea,
She just smokes and coughs and constantly pees.
I sit down for a chat, she talks of her lodger,
And then she says, "Can I please phone Roger".
"Of course you can Jen," as I hand her the phone,
When Rex sees the bill, I know he will moan!
Roger's her boyfriend back in the UK,
He was meant to come with her, but decided to stay.
After talking for ages, "Roger wishes you well",
It was then I found out she was phoning a 'Cell'.
One hour later she's out on the Deck,
"Who's making me coffee" - she's got a neck!
"If you want a drink Jen, you make it yourself",
Was Rex's reply, "the cups on the shelf".
"I must have a cup and a saucer - not mug",
By this time poor Rex she is starting to bug.
Then Rex says to Jen - "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know", says Jen - "The Alamo!"
"You have to rise early if you want to go there",
"All the time you take drying and straightening your hair".
At length the decision Rex has to make,
"Let's go for lunch down by the Lake",
We went to the Oasis, the view there is great,
But as y'all know, the food there I hate!
They both had Mexican, I had a wrap,
They both liked theirs but mine it was crap.
The meal it is over, but before we can leave,
Jenny goes out for a fag and a pee.
Back home she's straight onto the deck for a smoke,
She's hyped up on coffee and loads of free coke.
By now it's 2.30 and time for her nap,
A few hours of peace - thank God for that!
The rest of the day is more of the same,
By the end of the week - will I still be sane!!!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Clowns to the Left of Me
"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I amStuck in the middle with you" - GERRY RAFFERTY
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